Be the goat. Goat Simulator 3 is out now, exclusively on Epic Games Store

By Craig Pearson

Despite the best efforts of faceless assassin lawyers, sentient mega traps, and a bunch of tables and chairs piled up against the barn door, Goat Simulator 3 has been released on the Epic Games Store. Pilgor and friends are now out, ready to cause mayhem on the unsuspecting people of San Angora. If you live there, please report to a bunker at your earliest convenience. 

We’d better warn you about what’s heading your way. Goat Simulator 3’s the sequel to the original Goat Simulator; skipping the second version because that’s what goats do. You can be a goat. Three other friends can join you in being a goat. What does being a goat mean? No pasture can hold you. You can hijack cars. You can grind on electricity wires. You can butt or lick almost everything and everyone. The island is a playground for malevolent mutton, full of NPCs to charge at, elaborate Easter eggs to find, and the Goat Illuminati to appease. 

Be The Goat Goat Simulator 3 Is Out Now Exclusively On Epic Games Store Friends
Goat Simulator 3's Santiago Ferrero, Creative Director at Coffee Stain North, let us scream some questions at him through a locked door. Though there was a lot of angry, threatening bleating, we managed to write down his answers below. We hope he’s OK after releasing the secrets of Goat Simulator 3 into the world. The noise stopped, but there was a lot of stomping and screaming for a while. 

What have you wrought unto this world? 
The most realistic goat simulation game ever. 

We’ve all dreamt of being a goat as a kid, even as an adult. So, this time, Pilgor has super realistic fur and accurate goat abilities to fully immerse the players and enhance the feeling of being a goat. And just like in real life, you can now play as a herd of up to 4 goats in local and online multiplayer! 

Before you say anything, you are welcome.

Did anyone try to stop you?
No, but we have launched an internal investigation to see to it that this does not happen again.

Can you tell us what happened to Goat Simulator 2? We promise we won’t tell anyone else…
We’re actually not sure where Goat Simulator 2 is. If we find it, we’ll definitely release it.

What’s the Goat Sim 3-iest thing you’ve done in the game?
Believe it or not, we’ve added something that resembles a story. There is an intro and an actual ending that will make you question everything. Or at least something. Like maybe why you spent all this time playing Goat Simulator 3 instead of God of War: Ragnarök. 

You can also use the saddle gear to force one of your friends to ride on your back. And if your other friend then picks you up, also with the saddle, then both you and the friend that you have on your back will be on the 3rd friend’s back. Of course, you have a 4th friend rocking that saddle gear that decides to pick you all up. So now you’ve become somewhat of an abomination. Oh yeah, and you’re all Tall goats (giraffes).
Be The Goat Goat Simulator 3 Is Out Now Exclusively On Epic Games Store Giraffe

We lost count of the number of references to other games, movies, and such that we encountered. Is it fair to say that Goat Simulator 3 is the nexus of all known entertainment? 
Our lawyers prepared us for this moment. 

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual goats or persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. No animals were harmed in the making of this product. All opinions expressed within the content are solely Pilgor's and do not reflect the opinions and beliefs of all goats. 

But nexus is a pretty cool word, so yes, Goat Simulator 3 is totally the nexus!

With the many unlocks, abilities, outfits, and accessories available, what’s the most ridiculous build you’ve come up with?
The answer should probably be something along the lines of a goldfish wearing stilettos, disguising itself as a ‘50s housewife, all while being ridden by grandma in a rocking chair shooting yarn balls at bypassers.

But my personal favorite is something much less intricate. It’s that the Tall goat’s giraffe-like neck is so majestic yet impractical that it may get in the way of shots from the projectile gear she wears, making her shoot herself most of the time. So Tall goat rockin’ the rubber ducks launcher is my real answer.

What’s something the players should go out of their way to discover? 

I’m not saying that you should … But if you rise in the ranks of the secret Illuminati goat society located within the goat towers, you will, at some point, unlock a certain war table. And that might actually harbor such secrets of wonder and mystery that any regular old goat could hope to uncover in a million years.

Or, if you just wanna relax and watch a couple of short movies, you can visit the in-game cinema! You’ll have to find the movie tapes first, though.

Be The Goat Goat Simulator 3 Is Out Now Exclusively On Epic Games Store Illuminati
Now the game is out, it’s time to ask: Where does Goat Simulator go from here? 

I think the real question is, where WON’T Goat Sim go from here? And the answer to that question is nowhere. So yeah, everywhere. Maybe not to some places, but definitely to some other places. Where that might be is hard to say, but just like goats, we want to nibble on everything. The team has so many ideas, too many, some might say. Some are good, some are great, and others repulse us so much to our core that we definitely need to add them in as soon as possible. The bottom line, however, is that if the public (and internet) demand more goats, then we shall deliver … something. 

Goat Simulator 3 is out now on the Epic Games Store. Anyone who purchases Goat Simulator 3 on the Epic Games Store by 11:59 p.m. ET on Sept. 29, 2023, gets a Fortnite Outfit inspired by Pilgor. You can read how to claim it here. It’s what Santiago would have wanted.